|Tuesday, September 8th, 2015|
|Been a while...
I'll admit it's been a while and I think all my friends stopped looking and posting a few years ago.
A fair amount happened since I last posted so let's get the list done.
My Father passed away a couple of years ago now. I'm still trying to cope with this loss and has been a big distraction in my life. My Dad's birthday is a reminder that he's gone and reminds me of the death of someone who I looked up to like an older brother died this day was well. I tried to get over it but my dad and myself were close and it's difficult.
My current girlfriend (7 years I believe now?) doesn't seem to understand it and I don't know how to explain it either. Losing family is not like the cat she lost. Yeah, it sucks but it's nowhere near there same.
I'm on vacation at my sister's place and have been treated nothing but like a king around here. I plan to make dinner tomorrow night and hope all goes well.
After being at my sister's the plan was to go to my Uncle Allan's place for a week. But Jeanne (the "new girlfriend") who told me didn't want to see her family changed her mind half way here while on our 25 hour drive. This throws problems now into my plans that I made with my family of how long I'm staying with them. I told her that she HAD to have dates they were free before we left to go on this trip. I'm trying to think of how to explain to her nicely "you are fucking with the original plan and my psychologist said seeing my family is a good form of recovery for me". As much as I want to be blunt to her about the situation, it just makes things awkward. Now I have figure out "why?" That she wants this now. What changed from you REFUSING to want to see then to wanting to stress me out to do this.
If you have not figured this out yet, I'm not working and trying to do recovery where I'm not as depressed and panicky about situations that ended up in stone and answers from her prior to leaving. Which she told me that seeing her family is not needed to be done at all.
I have taken my medications that will help me sleep (I hope) and will have to leave my rant there. I'm sorry for not exactly being interesting. But it's what I got and its ripping my brain apart.
Those with depression, I wish you well to fight and get better.
Thanks to anyone who reads this!
|Sunday, January 3rd, 2010|
|My New Year Plans
These are a small list of things I wish to do this year.
- Be more out going, like going for walks even.
- Spending less money eating out. Leaving the bank card at home during the week and very little cash on hand.
- Morning exercise, some push ups and sit ups to start and add more as I become more of a morning person.
- Talk with more family outside the Province. E-mail is a wonderful thing.
"I will get you for this!" or "You will live to regret this!" - various villains from various shows
|Thursday, December 10th, 2009|
|Friday, November 27th, 2009|
|Friday, November 13th, 2009|
|Random failings and update
see more Epic Fails
see more Epic Fails
Made me laugh anyway. But my life goes on, my plans originally tonight were to go out with someone and got bailed on. Not the first time it happened to me, but I'm guessing it won't be the last. I know the local police force is looking for people again and my name should be in the hat with the Aboriginal Center and with the police directly so my chances of getting in are better I hope.
My pay checks have not been exactly the best lately and my room mate not working for almost a year doesn't help the stress I'm been trying to cope with. I have mostly had enough to survive and that is about it. If I were even to be paid for the training for the police it will give me 300% more money than I am currently making. Which means I might be able to get a savings account started again like I had a couple years ago.
So it has not been good, but it has not been that bad.
"There is no such thing as a stupid question, until you ask it" - Ask That Guy With The Glasses
|Sunday, October 18th, 2009|
As much as my enemies dislike it I am still alive and kicking (mostly kicking my brothers, but still kicking!) and trying to get things in order for myself.
I have managed to get enough money for a cell phone since the land line getting running again looks like a light I'll never reach at the end of a tunnel. I gave the number to those I trust to not had it out like candy. Mmmmmm... Candy...
I might have a chance at a car in the near future if things go well enough with a possible new job. Hes done way too much for me and I can't even think of how much I owe him if it all works out.
The courier life has been great for my physical exercise that I have been needing. I can carry quite a bit and getting close to running 3 blocks without wanting to throw up. I also been trying to cut a fair amount of crap out of my diet which is even how I'm losing weight, also my addiction to caffeine has gone from need some daily to at the most three to four days.
As much as I'm getting better with everything I not exactly making a lot of money where I can enjoy my life the way I wish too. I don't want a lot of money, just enough to enjoy what I liked doing before I got myself into the horrible mental state I was in.
But I'm still hoping to hear back from the Ab Center (Aboriginal Center for those who don't know) where I can get my training in for becoming a local police officer. I'll have to give them my new number and hope they actually change it on their file this time and not get the message 3 weeks later like the previous time they tried to reach me. I remember sitting at the Ab Center once and they tried to convince me to change my e-mail address and I explained that a e-mail address is not taken seriously is it? They didn't have much of a answer after that and I continued on.
One of my sisters came to the city a while ago and its good to have a face that I can remember more so now as compared to when I was somewhere between the age of three to five.
My birthday was a while ago and I'm planning this for this weekend to happen most people are invite to come over as some company over here make it feel more homely. I think I can count on my hands the amount of people that come over (not counting family) and have attempted to visit me which doesn't impress me much, but I thank those who have come by to see me.
I done a couple things I have not done for a while and one of them was order popcorn from my friend's Cub pack. I will be hyper then ever come X-mas.
I'm starting to rabble on here I should quit while I'm ahead, ahead of what I'm not sure yet.
"Until our swords cross again"
Nate out. Current Mood: Hyper
|Monday, August 10th, 2009|
Well I heard back from the people for the police force and the message I was told (brother took the call) that I was approved and they need some extra information and needed to speak with me.
Well I showed up later that day and I had 2 choices in front of me. One being that I miss the rest of day of work and wait too see someone, or I make a appointment. I went with the appointment that was this morning and explained to work that I would be late.
So I enjoyed my weekend and won a meet and greet with Cage the Elephant, drank with friends, LARPed. Now its Monday 9 AM and I show up speaking that I have a appointment and arrived too see that I have not been approved for the training course. They were not even sure that I was approved and had too double check the e-mail. Yeah they are willing to e-mail everyone but me.
The reason I explain this I feel shattered and need too pick myself up. So excuse me as I be emo here again.
|Thursday, June 25th, 2009|
Well for those that don't know I had a interview with the local law enforcement and have been asked questioins for about 2 hours last week.
I hope to hear back and soon, if not its back to the drawing board for better work to support the roomie and I.
Nate out. Current Mood: hopeful
|Wednesday, June 24th, 2009|
|Sunday, May 17th, 2009|
Yes I will admit it here, I'm a little out of date for a update. I been dealing with many things that I feel like the public should know about.
Well as most people know I have moved if I have not mentioned yet already to you into a my own place and collected a fair amount of people that stay with me and help out. Some not as many as others but I'm going to have to deal with that real soon myself.
I was able to afford Keycon and the hotel room as much as I thought I would not be able to at first which is always a good sign in itself that I can still enjoy life as depressed as I currently am.
So most people are on the same floor as me this also meaning my ex girl-friend being one of them for what I seen thus far, personally I don't care it just makes things awkward still as none of my e-mails have got a reply back which also have my contact information that I gave her so she can reach me. Last time we even talked was when I was there at her place getting some of my stuff and she said she "Didn't know what too say" and hence no answer is normally the worst I can get from people. I assume that is what is going on due too I have yet again got her to the point of 'not knowing what to say' and most likely will never get my stuff reclaimed as my own.
In which case I now see no point in trying to collect anything as most of my items that I'm happy to have are either being held hostage by someone else or have been destroyed by someone I thought I could trust. So if its something that I get nothing for in the end I see no issue partaking in it cause then nobody/nothing can remove the joy I once had with said item.
I have now given up on my future as well as I tried to get myself into schools and have had no luck in doing so due too that no school will send me any information to help me along to improve myself from mistakes of my past. I have been trying and the only way things is going to start is quitting my job to attend all meetings to get into schooling and improve my self-esteem and my living situation. But to continue down the full circle so some people understand is that I am the only person working in my home at this present time and quitting my job places me in the street. Now to stay off the street I need income, I could get Social Assistance if I get into school. Now to get into school.... Etc etc etc.
Now facing the dilemma of a full circle that I can't break on my own. I hope that one day I can prove to all the people who work for the CARHD that their 'help' does not truly help me as my lifeguard program has prior to this. Yet they complain that I am not in that field they trained me in when they helped me get the programs I needed but the reference from them (which is the only outside reference I had) could not give me enough reason to enjoy life more so.
Now as much as I am depressed with life problems right now I don`t plan to hurt more people by `trying to make it all stop`. I can`t bring myself to hurting people on purpose, but somehow it seems that way and I wish I knew how sometimes as people claim that they know more about the situation then there really is. This is why I hate drama and everything that comes along beside it. Hence why I try to step aside.
Anyway I will try to post more often when more things improve where I have more then negative things to say. For the meantime everyone who is at Keycon I hope you enjoy yourself.
"Ùntil our swords cross again"
|Friday, January 2nd, 2009|
HAPPY WINTER-EEN-MAS TO EVERYONE!!! Get into the spirit and roll D6 if you have one handy!
|Friday, November 7th, 2008|
My life at the moment has had nothing but stress in it and there are many reasons why. I won't bother to get into them cause some people causing the stress may be reading it. But it basically goes like so:
The ONLY school that WAS acting upon my apps I have sent out have been doing nothing but beating around the bush and they have 1 chance left to give some answers cause if they waste my time again I just won't bother.
I basically froze all day due to that my winter gear is at my ex-girlfriend's place and every plan I have started (meaning that bridge doesn't even have the blueprints yet) ends up making me fall flat on my face and gets me no where and fast.
Work has been dicking around and contradict themselves more than the Bible. I have only seen one other person reach that limit with me. Also my pay stub is no where to be found, also I only got $200 when I had at least $490 in bills to pay plus a parking ticket which was another $50 on top of that.
My plans to go to a event this weekend been shot in the foot many times over cause of the lack of fund to go. But I went down south once this year and I will be happy with that for now.
My grandmother passed away at the age of 93 in her sleep. This didn't bother me that much, what bothered me was the drama afterwards that I received news of, but that got all cleared out afterwards.
Not everything has been bad though, here is a small list of things:
I have a roommate that cleans up after themself and does many things to help out too boot.
My nieghbour has fed me while I had nothing but the clothes on my back with no job, which I am thankful for. Various friends/family helped me in the situation I was in to climb as slow as it was to get where I currently am.
So life continues on and somehow I will as much as a Aboriginal people claim to help one another I have yet to see that. Maybe I should give up on my claim of being native and stick with my moms side of the family and have nothing to do with them ever again.
"Until our swords cross again"
|Tuesday, October 7th, 2008|
There have been many people with my last couple actions and I wish if they were mad at me to come out and say it instead of leaving me to my own devices. Cause how can I as a person fix anything if people do not confront me. The ones who are mad I know who they are, just making amends have to done by both parties. Now that I got that out back to how my life is going.
I am here and going to freeze to death until I can get my first pay check and see that its enough for a new coat, or I am given my old coat so I can survive another harsh winter that is soon upon us. I been trying to continue to e-mail my ex girlfriend to try to get my stuff back and clear up everything so I can 'step out of her life'. But again grudges are being held and I must do what I must do. I know what my options are and trying not to use them. I guess I will have to see what the weekend has to present me before I do press on my person quest for my stuff and the companionship of my cat. Two months of e-mails requesting I guess isn't enough.
Otherwise I been up to nothing major and continue to find work that is reasonable, or a school that will take me in. The schools demand money before accepting me and the Aboriginal community wants me to have a note from the school showing I'm accepted before I can be placed on priority waiting for my Aboriginal Status to come into effect. So what am I to do but wait 4 years from when I applied (dam waiting lists) and hope that I am approved for schooling after wards.
Not everything in my life is bad news though, I have made some new friends. Some being closer than others. I will inform those who I wish to know. Even though most that I know do know, the rumor mill is tons of fun to find out things you don't wish to really know. Life doesn't change much from high school that way I guess and shows that some people don't know how to grow up. I know I can/am very child sometimes. But I'm willing to stop and look at a whole picture and do what I believe is right. But that goes on your point of view of life.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie
|Saturday, September 13th, 2008|
So a couple things are going on that is hard to explain, but of it can be explained. Here is the quick run down of things that help explain whats going on.
I found work now, but its a courier job and I'm not very keen on it.
I might have a new job, but I will have to find out on Monday what its about.
I have a new place, but the new job does not give me any money till after my b-day next month.
My birthday is coming up, but I no money for myself.
Well I hope to see if things improve from where they are currently. I keep you all posted on what is going on.
"Keep your stick on the ice" - Red Green from the Red Green Show
|Friday, August 15th, 2008|
What can I say that has not already been said? Besides the fact Vista had started acting French on me and posting is going to be a bitch. Does anyone know how to fix the random French keyboard that Vista gives? When I have to hold the shift key and the 6 for a question mark, it gets very annoying and very fast. Yes the language is set for English for the keyboard and its starts as English then randomly goes to French style keyboard. A answer would be great in the near future and thanks.
Now as I was saying, yes I have explained everything is gone to hell in a hand basket for me and I continue to fall cause I have been sleeping in every day for the past 8 days, I been either late or not at work at all. I most likely out of a job at this point and need to hit the streets for a new one and fast so I can afford a new place and keep it. I might have a place lined up but honestly I either need Social Assistance to keep it or a new job. Whichever comes first honestly.
Its now 4 AM and I`m wide awake still which is part of the problem now for the sleeping in. I keep my alarm set but still don`t wake up till about noon or two in the afternoon. This doesn`t help me for a job either. I gotta get this fixed like I had before.
That is all I got for now, I`m going to try to sleep cause I need it.
`Until our swords cross again`
|Monday, August 11th, 2008|
Lets put it the easy way. My head is a little fucked up right now and my mood swings all over the place. Excuse me as I try to continue to pick myself off the floor. Thanks to those who are trying to help to put pieces of me back together again.
|Tuesday, July 15th, 2008|
|A New Hope...
I'm still looking for a new place and having no luck with it. I currently am looking and when I try too talk with people I'm just seeing that I'm heard but not listened too. There is no point in talking if nobody is going to bother to do anything with me anymore. Yes there is a number too reach me at, only 2 people asked what it was. I can even list them cause they are at least nice enough too ask.
Thank you Kazu and Monkey Boy for caring and chatting too continue too help me. I now a lot can't be done unless I do it myself, but I know should I need anything these people are there too help/listen should I need an ear.
I've been very violent lately and about things that don't normally push my buttons. It worries me on that part, maybe I'm to stressed with everything I'm trying to do at once. But if it isn't done I'm kinda homeless.
I've applied at a couple places and hoping to hear replies, not a lot of people have stepped up for references so I'm at a small loss on that. People continue to expect me to get a car in the near future and also somehow afford everything. Instead of the car I bought the computer as a form of trying to talk with people. Yet only the 2 I listed really make a attempt.
I hope everyone else enjoys themselves while I go rot in the corner and continue trying to fix my life. Current Mood: Emotionally Broken
|Thursday, June 26th, 2008|
|Here I am
Lost confused, not know where too go or what too do with life yet again.
My girlfriend and I called it quits after two and a half years. If people really want to know how it came up they can get a hold of me one way or another too find out.
I'm doing a look for apartments and been full of emotions that normally are differ from each other. It was the longest relationship I have had ever. Maybe I should give up on love as all it brought in the end was hurt.
If people want too do stuff I am normally free after seven in the evening. Do not be afraid too call as I do what I can to avoid biting.
|Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008|
|Continuing on random stuff
So various people are leaving me in dark and I turned into a black sheep. People claim I never go out. I do go out on random nights and do what I feel pretty much, for the justification of I have no idea what is happening due too a lack of communication skills maybe. For what I do hear, sometimes I wish I was better off being as blind as I physically am.
Since the loss of the car my wool changed its colours afterwards. I still talk with random people at random times. I know many people and try to get to see as many as I can.
I tried to talk about feelings about something my girlfriend said the other day and somehow, someway a U-Turn happened and it ended up being my fault? My head is still spinning from that one and its been a couple days. What too do with that now, if I knew I might not be sitting here.
As things are I planned what I wish to do for a career and plan to see how much training I need to become one or other. Its the same things but different in whats needed. I might plan to take a general training course and go from there.
~sigh~ I been doing things too keep me busy otherwise. I been stopping myself from wanting to commit murder against various people. Brothers, acquittances, and a lot of sharp/blunt objects is most the plant if I were. But I believe I can be better than that.
Well bring it world as I guess I have a lot of fights and little time to prepare for everything I want to do. Career, family, friends, relationship, I dont want these to be the monsters that I have to overcome to continue with life.
I figure I'd place a post and continue too die inside and let the world know. I don't expect sympathy cause that would involve more people actually contacting me, and I dont need people going out of their way for something they dont normally do.
|Thursday, April 24th, 2008|
|Left in the dark
Yeah here I am, I'm still around if anyone still read Livejournal. People want Facebook and to have as many friends as they can to show who has the biggest dick.
I continue being ignored by people with next too little human contact, but yet I'm out too much. But I'll explain that too those who I want too know... Unless I go out of my way too see people I either ignored or brushed aside. I don't think that should need too be happening but whatever is keeping me sane I can't complain too much.
Went too my brother's (the gay-gay one) birthday which he done a poor job of planing for me to even try to do anything. Small story on this one so have a seat, what started a call about 3 weeks before hand he has explained he wishes too do something for birthday. I say let me know where and when and we will see about maybe getting the day off for me too plan it as I need too. 1 week after that I call asking when and where if he wants me too attend any shindig that may take place, with no return call. The Friday that releases my work schedule for that week and I`m sitting at my parents place talking and my brother asks me and I qoute `So your coming on Wednesday for my brithday?`. So I look at him square in the eye with a cold look saying, if you gave me that information 1 week ago I could of. Now since I work days and done at 18:00 (6pm), I can get downtown to enjoy the dinner that he wishes too have at Johnny G`s. I call the day I find this out explaining in some moon language (I`m guessing from his point of view) that I can`t make the bowling prior but can make the dinner and ask where it is. Now I give about and hour and a half for 2 games of bowling too finish and I start WALKING to Johnny`s from Bourbon. I kinda half rush too get there. Now here is the main part that annoyed me the most, he bothered too tell nobody that I`d be sitting at Johnny`s upon thier arrival and sat and waiting for an hour for them too finish a EXTRA game of bowling!
Work (Convergys) is trying too pull a nice one on me right now and wanting me too break the very fabric of space/time and be at work for 8:45 AM too start when the bus doesn`t get me there until 10:00 AM. Tricky I say as I have no car and explained that I can work when the bus does, I guess until they notice that is what is going to happen that I will create my own work schedule and work from when I can get too I know when I can leave at the right hour. Whats that you say? I might get fired? I laugh at you my friend as they will only give me whats called a Attendance Management Program (AMP). Now what these AMPs do is a very poor warning system of how close you are too getting fired. Now as I have been trained, after 1 or 2 AMPs they will fix your schedule to how it works for you if your having a pattern of lateness/absence/etc. So I get what I want after a couple of chats with supervisors saying I`m late every Sunday for some reason and `maybe I shouldn`t party on Saturdays`. A win for me over any corporate owner no matter ho small is a win for me. I should count them while I have them.
LARP in general has 2 points of view right now. One of confusion and makes me wanna stab people, the other is going well and having fun.
I play David the Gangrel who is known but isn`t required too do anything around the court which has a lot of ups than you would think. People know my character but yet nobody higher than me is leaving me things too do.
I also play a character named Alex, now I been annoyed not at the ST`s themselfs but at the lack of chatting among each other when I am being told one thing then another. But as I have been informed for the meantime, that the confusion will stop as of the last ST meeting. Thank you guys!
Well I work in the morning and I guess I should get dishes done before heading too the sack for some sleep. I been lacking it for many reasons and should get back too the tea that has helped before.
*I would place a quote here but my laptop keyboard is FUCKED up yet again*