white_van_death (white_van_death) wrote,


Yes I will admit it here, I'm a little out of date for a update. I been dealing with many things that I feel like the public should know about.

Well as most people know I have moved if I have not mentioned yet already to you into a my own place and collected a fair amount of people that stay with me and help out. Some not as many as others but I'm going to have to deal with that real soon myself.

I was able to afford Keycon and the hotel room as much as I thought I would not be able to at first which is always a good sign in itself that I can still enjoy life as depressed as I currently am.

So most people are on the same floor as me this also meaning my ex girl-friend being one of them for what I seen thus far, personally I don't care it just makes things awkward still as none of my e-mails have got a reply back which also have my contact information that I gave her so she can reach me. Last time we even talked was when I was there at her place getting some of my stuff and she said she "Didn't know what too say" and hence no answer is normally the worst I can get from people. I assume that is what is going on due too I have yet again got her to the point of 'not knowing what to say' and most likely will never get my stuff reclaimed as my own.

In which case I now see no point in trying to collect anything as most of my items that I'm happy to have are either being held hostage by someone else or have been destroyed by someone I thought I could trust. So if its something that I get nothing for in the end I see no issue partaking in it cause then nobody/nothing can remove the joy I once had with said item.

I have now given up on my future as well as I tried to get myself into schools and have had no luck in doing so due too that no school will send me any information to help me along to improve myself from mistakes of my past. I have been trying and the only way things is going to start is quitting my job to attend all meetings to get into schooling and improve my self-esteem and my living situation. But to continue down the full circle so some people understand is that I am the only person working in my home at this present time and quitting my job places me in the street. Now to stay off the street I need income, I could get Social Assistance if I get into school. Now to get into school.... Etc etc etc.

Now facing the dilemma of a full circle that I can't break on my own. I hope that one day I can prove to all the people who work for the CARHD that their 'help' does not truly help me as my lifeguard program has prior to this. Yet they complain that I am not in that field they trained me in when they helped me get the programs I needed but the reference from them (which is the only outside reference I had) could not give me enough reason to enjoy life more so.

Now as much as I am depressed with life problems right now I don`t plan to hurt more people by `trying to make it all stop`. I can`t bring myself to hurting people on purpose, but somehow it seems that way and I wish I knew how sometimes as people claim that they know more about the situation then there really is. This is why I hate drama and everything that comes along beside it. Hence why I try to step aside.

Anyway I will try to post more often when more things improve where I have more then negative things to say. For the meantime everyone who is at Keycon I hope you enjoy yourself.

"Ùntil our swords cross again"
Nate out.
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